I’m just a girl who believe in the sacredness of words spoken by the one I admired the most. The breeze of the wind spelled his name under my breath. And the sakura tree sincerely blooming its flower to accompany me and my belief, the sakura petals were dancing around me as the wind swirling created an elegant movement to amaze the smell of the spring. Me, myself, and I kept on believing the purity of this feeling would never change.
I stepped my feet closer to the big sakura tree I used to be here in my lifetime. There’s an empty wood bench fit for two persons in front of it, as if waiting for me and him to sit on it again, together….
I sighed while staring at the bench, putting on a grim melancholy look.
I missed him no matter how often I think about him, no matter how often I go to this place wishing for the urge of this heart struggling its pain and loneliness to fade away as the shadow of his.
Wishing for the miracle to slowly approach me as the flashback of mine and his past played on this sakura scene.
The 10 years old me crying under the sakura tree, holding on my dirty torn teddy bear.
“Natsu-chan, are those girls did it to your doll?”
I saw a 13 years old skinny boy stood up in front of me staring at the girls laughing in the playground not far from the tree.
I did nothing but keep on dropping my tears while staring at him with a sad look.
He turned up his face to look at me with the hazelnut eyes behind his glasses.
“Did you defend yourself?”
I shooked my head. He gave a smirk.
“If they or anyone dare to bother you, you have to be brave in the future. Look at their face with such a courage and tell them to leave you alone.”
“Why should I?”
He stepped closer and reached my doll.
“Don’t you sad to see your kuma-chan badly torn up like this?”
“That’s why, while you have mouth and voice to speak up, express your feeling! Let them know what you feel and what you want.”
He gave me a gentle smile I would never forget in my life. Since the time, I kept on believing what he said, to be a good and brave girl.
He was my senior, we went to the same school since elementary school until senior high school. We often sit together on the bench in front of the sakura tree after the schooltime to share our day story. We shared our day accompanied by the fragrance of sakura petals blooming beautifully under the warm of the sun light. Granted us comfort and happiness.
It was awesome until the day I upgraded to the second year of senior high school, and he graduated from senior high school.
We made a promise to meet under the sakura tree.
I sat on the bench, waiting for him. Then I saw the 18 years old boy walking closer to me, wearing his glasses he hid a secret behind his gaze. There’s a strange feeling I felt that day, yearning for the world to stop the time for just a second, but it’s just nothing but a wishful thinking. I looked at him and he stopped his step right 3 meters in front of me.
I stood up, staring at him for a while then started the conversation, wishing the strange feeling I felt was just an illusion.
He was staring at me in silence, while I was staring at him with such a worried face.
He gazed the sakura petals above us, watching as the pink flowers falling to the ground.
He raised his hand forward, his palm upside, let the sakura petals landed on it. He grasped it, closed his eyes and made such a frown. It worried me so much….
I did nothing but stay on my place.
“Do you know what’s hard for me?”
He opened his eyes and demanded a response. I shooked my head.
“Leaving the place I loved, and buried all the memories inside it.”
I kept on silence, waiting for him to make everything clearer.
“Natsu-chan, I’m leaving Japan tonight.”
“Where’d you go?”
I’d try to keep looking at him through my blurry eyes, bothered by the tears I held back.
“Germany. I’ll go on my study there.”
“When will you go back?”
I faked a smile
He stared his feet, he shooked his head, implicitely said that he won’t come back.
My heart was trembling
“Did your parents made you to do that?”
He gave me a smirk, without looking at me. I suddenly felt that he was a stranger, I couldn’t recognize his heart anymore.
“I clearly remember that you’re the one who told me to express my feeling when I don’t like something and express it so others can understand what you feel and what you want.”
He stared me for a while, then he turned around and walked slowly.
He stopped, and turned his face on me without really saw me.
“Somehow when you’ve realized that you’re no longer a child, you have the things to be hidden and not expressing what you really feel.”
“Don’t be adult then!”
I begged in tears.
He smiled, his eyes softened
Take care, Natsu-chan…”
He stepped forward, left me alone under this sakura tree witnessed by the silence of the twilight breeze, blew the pink petals through my long black hair.
~end of flashback~
I looked up at the sky, the orange twilight and the breeze still the same as 3 years ago. The fragrance of the blooms, the sound of the memories keep on whispering its loneliness to me.
I smiled and sighed, then I turned around and slowly leaving the tree behind….
If there’s no eternity, then let me have this sakura tree to peek the memories I’ve ever had.
If people’s heart are change, then let me keep this belief by myself.
And if he needs to be an adult to hide his true feeling and sadness, then let me keep on being a child to honestly express my true feeling and wishing for the sadness to leave me behind.